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A Beautiful Mess
"If you let it, parenting will teach you more about yourself than any other experience in life."
When I first heard these words, I remember thinking how profound they were but not realizing how much they would challenge and change me. It took me years to see the amount of wisdom in this one simple sentence. Life in general, not just parenting, is our biggest teacher—if only we let it.
With time, I realized that the key to unlocking all the learning that life has to offer us lies in this one part of the sentence "If you let it." However, it depends on how willing we are to fail and learn and how open we are to change and grow. If we are not ready for that, not much learning will happen.
For this blog post, I wanted to share a few of the most impactful and humbling life lessons I've learned over the years. I hope that you, too, can find them relatable and helpful and that they bring value to you as they do to me.
We Are Always a Work in Progress
Just when we think we figured it out, life throws something new at us, and we realize that there is still work to do and learning to happen. We often go into life's experiences with our assumptions or expectations, and that's when we usually set ourselves up for disappointments and limit our opportunities to learn and grow. Over the years, I found that embracing the mindset of a "new student" can make all the difference. When we walk into new experiences and choose to stay curious, willing to listen, and observe, we allow ourselves to remain open to learning, change, and ultimately growth.
Feel our Feelings
Feelings are not a symbol of weakness or something to feel embarrassed about and avoid. On the contrary, feeling and expressing feelings is one of the most important skills we can develop for ourselves and our children. It's what makes us human. People who recognize their feelings and express them in a healthy way are stronger mentally, emotionally, and socially. They are better communicators, have better relationships, and are better professionals. So, let's give ourselves permission to express our feelings, not bottle them up, and notice the difference this creates.
Beware of Fear
Rational fear is necessary for our survival. We need it when we face a real threat or danger, and it helps us stay alert and cautious. However, fear can also be tricky, sneaky, and controlling. When it's irrational, it can keep us from trying and make us believe that we are incapable of doing things. It keeps us small, comfortable, and reluctant to take chances and seek opportunities. It can stop us from reaching our dreams or even from dreaming at all. It can make us control the people we love most out of a false belief that we are protecting them or keeping them safe.
Fear plays a significant role in raising our kids. According to Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a world-known expert in parenting, most parents unconsciously tend to parent their children from a place of fear. Fear for their future, fear for their health, fear of negative influence, and the list goes on. Of course, we love our children and naturally fear for them, yet we must consider how much this fear limits them and their potential? How often do we say no because of our irrational fears? How much of our fear are we projecting on them? Are we giving them the space they need to thrive, or are we teaching them to stay small and hold back?
This lesson is one of the most challenging ones on this list. A good start is to try and notice when our actions or behaviors are coming from fear, and if they are, then we ask ourselves:
- If I put fear aside, how would I act differently?
- If I take the fear out of this conversation, how would I respond? what would I say or do?
Have More Self-Compassion
A dear friend recently reminded me of the value of practicing compassion and being gentle and kind with ourselves. When things get tough or we find ourselves in a stressful situation, we must remember to breathe. The simple act of taking the time to breathe is a mental and physical break that helps us step away from our situation. Doing this allows us to process our feelings, check in, and notice what we need most at that moment. Then we can decide our next steps and actions with a clearer mind. This way, we choose to respond rather than react.
To sum it up, life is a beautiful mess. If we let it, it will teach us what it means to live fully. If we let it, it will lead us to become the best we can be for ourselves and our loved ones. If we let it, it will teach us everything we need to know about ourselves. The question is, are we willing to let it?
Sincerely,
Rasha Afifi-Talleh
Professional Coach,
ACC, CPCC, INHC, ORSC trained
