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Vulnerability and The Power of Connection
Vulnerability is an emotion that most of us are uncomfortable with; many of us avoid it and even see it as a sign of weakness. For this month’s post, we will dive into this subject. We’ll break some myths and learn from the best about this powerful human emotion, which is the basis for our ability to truly connect with others and live our lives fully, wholeheartedly, and courageously.
Let’s Dig a Little Deeper
Take a few minutes to consider the following questions before you move forward with the reading, as this will help you notice your perception of this subject and how it relates to you:
• When you hear the word vulnerability, what is the first thought that comes to your mind? Notice how it makes you feel.
• Can you think of examples from your past where you felt vulnerable?
• Describe what it feels like for you to be vulnerable? How would you define it?
Learning from The Expert: What Is Vulnerability?
Dr. Brene Brown is an American professor, researcher, and author who spent decades researching human emotions and behaviors. She is an expert on the topic of vulnerability, and all the information I share with you in this post is based on her extensive research and her books, precisely “Dare to Lead” and “Atlas of the Heart.”
Brown defines vulnerability as the emotion we experience when we deal with uncertainty in life, when we face risk, and when our feelings are exposed and revealed to others. A few examples of situations that might make us feel vulnerable are:
• Asking for help
• Sharing how we feel with others
• Becoming new parents
• Admitting to our mistakes
• Getting back up and trying again after we have failed at something
• Sharing our ideas with others at work
If there is one thing we can all agree with is that there are no guarantees in life, and it is always full of uncertainties and risks. Knowing this, it becomes clear that feeling vulnerable is simply unavoidable. Can you imagine a situation in life where you experience something entirely certain, risk-free, and void of emotions and feelings?
It’s safe to assume that vulnerability is an emotion that all humans get to feel very often, whether they like it or not, and it happens to be that most of us don’t.
Here’s why…
Brown’s research reveals that many cultures have falsely taught people to believe that vulnerability is a weakness. We are also taught that we must be brave—no wonder we become uncomfortable with feeling vulnerable and want to avoid it as much as possible. As a coping mechanism, we then become more guarded with our feelings. We try to perfect things, eliminate risk, and control different circumstances. We try to numb challenging feelings and often develop unhealthy habits and addictions. According to Brown, this is how people wake up one day feeling unhappy, empty, possibly lost, and disconnected in search of more meaning and purpose.
These feelings of disconnection are the result of avoiding being vulnerable with others. When we avoid vulnerability, we sacrifice real connection with people, hide our true selves and feelings from others, and lose our sense of belonging over time. We must understand that connecting with others and belonging is a basic human need. We are wired psychologically to seek connection and to belong. Therefore, it is critical that we embrace our vulnerability and share our true selves and feelings with others.
“Vulnerability is about sharing with the people who earned the right to hear our stories.”- Bene Brown.
Embracing our vulnerability and choosing to become more vulnerable with others does not mean we overshare; it also does not mean we choose to share with just anyone. If anything, being vulnerable requires us to be self-disciplined and self-aware, so we know what to share and with whom. It means we must think about what we want to share and why? What is our intention in sharing? And is it helpful?
Just as important, we need to consider who we are sharing with and whether it is appropriate within the relationship.
As Brown puts it, being vulnerable only for the sake of vulnerability without considering our intentions or the boundaries of the relationship is not effective, useful, or smart.
Ultimately, Brown found that vulnerability “when done right” is not a weakness but, in fact, the opposite. Being courageous requires us to lean into uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Courage has to do with how willing we are to put ourselves out there despite there being no guarantees in life. Therefore, it becomes clear that there is no courage without vulnerability.
In a world full of uncertainties, there is no other option but to choose courage and embrace our vulnerability, so we can create meaningful connections, build strong communities, and create a sense of belonging for ourselves and others. Then the remaining question for all of us becomes, how willing are we to step out of our comfort and embrace that vulnerable human side of ourselves for the chance to live life fully, wholeheartedly, and courageously?
Sincerely,
Rasha Afifi-Talleh
Executive Coach
CPCC, ACC, ORSC
